frustrated

I'm so freakin frustrated feeling I just want to slap myself!!

There's no real reason for me to be feeling this way other than the standard PMS and general hatred of my job.

I wish there were someway I could pay for fire school and not work while I get learned....but there isn't. This is going to drag out so painfully...I'm really dreading it instead of looking forward to it like I should be. If I could figure out how to not work for six months while I go to school things would be so much easier.

But I guess it's not about taking the easy route is it. I mean I did it for EMT school why not fire school right? Blah, it sucked for EMT school too...and fire school is going to be more of a physical challenge.

Even if I could work less for 6 months....I'm so sick of being a waitress I could puke. I've come so close to begging my boyfriend to consolidate our efforts and co-habitate, but he's not ready for that and realistically I suppose I'm not either, but when I think of two rent payments, 2 of every bill and how we're both hovering above poverty and taunting it with a pointed stick....well, it makes sense....but I suppose making sense isn't what co-habitation should be about.
BUT...oh forget the but part...but nothing ....^{but I want it}

so I'm whiney today and crabby and yeah...I want my boyfriend to want to live with me....and I want to make my way through fire school easier....and I want to stop being a waitress...and I want to have more time with kiddo and have to depend on my parents less when it comes to her...and I want I want I want.....but I cant have...soooo I suppose I should get on with getting ready for work.....go suck up being a servant to the hungry and make things happen.